Is my mum mad or menopausal? What to know about your mum's menopause!

A one-stop guide to understanding your mum’s menopause

As a Mother’s Day gift, we’d like to offer the offspring of women in their mid-40s to mid-50s, the gift of knowledge which we’d like to think could help you to understand what your mum may be going through and what she may need from you.

Menopause is one of the best-kept secrets of women’s health. It’s a secret that’s been well-kept by women, and health professionals and ignored by wider society - partners, families and employers. Call it stigma, shame, taboo, whatever it is women are massively ill-prepared for what is a cast-iron-guaranteed stage in their life. We’re all about sharing evidence-informed info to normalise menopause for anyone going through it, living & loving or working with a menopausal woman!

Read on, as we debunk your mum’s menopause!

What happens in menopause?

You might not want to think about your mum’s reproductive ability but trust us, it’ll help you both! Until recently, your mum’s body was coursing with reproductive hormones keeping her mind and body in rude health. The hormone oestrogen has been the major player in her fertility but now in menopause, the well is running dry and her body is having to re-adjust. Many women find their minds and body are caught in the maelstrom of the effects of oestrogen’s retirement, leaving them and those nearest and dearest to them, confused.

For some, it can be plain sailing, but for 3 in 4 women, it’s not! Menopause is the strangest of times for women; self-esteem and confidence can go through the floor, anxiety runs riot and all the while she’s grappling with work, kids, and maybe caring for parents too, so no surprise that the mum in menopause is not the mum you always know

There are at least 34 symptoms of menopause and it’s likely your mum will be experiencing one or more, many, many more! Check out our physical and emotional symptoms sections for a full list of these jaw-dropping symptoms and find useful info to consider below.

Perimenopause

Is the phase leading up to ‘menopause’ - see 2 below! Perimenopause can start several years before menopause, bringing with it psychological symptoms such as anxiety, mood swings and insomnia. Unfortunately, too few women join the dots and make the link with their fluctuating hormones and so aren’t able to take proactive steps.

Menopause

The point when a woman’s ovaries stop producing eggs. A woman is said to be ‘in menopause’ 12 months after the date of her last period. The average age of menopause is 51, but it can happen as early as a woman’s late 30s or into her late 50s, so there’s no saying which stage your mum is at.

Menopause brings a smorgasbord of symptoms - those memes with hot angry women get some things right, some women have very physical symptoms and some have profoundly difficult psychological symptoms as brain chemistry is affected by the swinging levels of hormones.

Hot flushes

Imagine yourself in a sauna where you feel intensely hot, humid, sweaty & red. Maybe if you wear them, your glasses will steam up too! This is what mum goes through when she’s in the thrall of a hot flush. But whilst you’d choose to be in the sauna, your mum’s not made a choice, it’s biology and age that make the choice for her, springing them on her at all hours of the day. It’s so discombobulating when a flush strikes - perhaps she’s driving, working, having a conversation and well, just about at any time, in any place a flush can floor her and she has NO control over this. So, knowing this, be aware that if she wants to open the window on a cold day, don’t moan, put another jumper on, and smile.

Night sweats

It’s hot flushes and more! Imagine what we’ve said about hot flushes, which happens when you’re in the land of nod, wakes you bolt upright, releasing a shot of adrenalin that surges around your body and producing levels of sweat that can mean a middle-of-the-night change of bedding. Maybe nights of broken sleep like this explain why your mum can be shirty some days, not greeting you with a smile or desperate to do your washing, driving her taxi to your latest destination. She’s shattered, grumpy and a bit down.

Mood swings

Hormones - we’ve all got them and sometimes they collide. Right now, your mum’s hormone levels are dipping and surging, causing her moods to swing like church bells. A little bit of science to illustrate... previously, oestrogen has blocked the breakdown of the happy hormone, serotonin. As her perimenopause takes hold, and oestrogen levels fall, oestrogen receptors in the brain no longer do their job and serotonin levels drop. Add to this, the psychological, physical and emotional impact of other menopause symptoms, and unsurprisingly her mood may start to dip. Result? She just may feel more emotional, angry, irritable and overwhelmed & murderous! Take it from us, hard as it is to believe, this isn’t about you, but about your mum - understand, be aware and stand back!

Fatigue

Falling oestrogen levels have an effect on both your mum’s sleep cycle and the quality of her much-needed shut-eye. Oestrogen regulates (limits!) the production of the hormone cortisol, so when levels drop, cortisol production increases, causing fatigue and anxiety. Result - she won’t feel refreshed or rested when she wakes up, and this can persist throughout the day. 

Even if your mum has previously been a sound sleeper she may now notice a change in her sleep habits. Add stress, insomnia, and night sweats, alongside a constant sense of dread and anxiety as experienced by some perimenopausal and menopausal women, and it can become a fairly toxic fatigue cocktail.

On a positive note!

Normal, or a new form of service, will be resumed. Menopause is a period of transition and adjustment, so your role is to support her without patronising, winding her up or teasing her. For most women, things will improve as their bodies adjust to the new hormonal formula but it may take some time. Some women can experience symptoms for a short period, but for others, the effects can last 2-5 years. Bear with!

So, be mindful of what your mum may be going through. She won’t expect special treatment but a little bit of empathy won’t go amiss. So, go and open the window, ask her if she wants a cup of tea (herbal tea ideally), offer her a hug or maybe give her some time to herself.